Resolving Conflict
Conflict is inevitable on this planet. Conflict is going to happen in our marriages, in our churches and in our business relationships. The real issue for Christ-followers is "how we handle conflict when it arises." There are some personalities that "do not play nice," whether it is in a marriage, a church, or in the workplace. As Christ-followers, we don't want to be those people who "don't play nice." Paul exhorts us in Romans 12:18,
"If possible, so far as it depends on you, live peaceably with all."
Is it always possible to live peaceably with people? No. However, we have a responsibility to do our part to bring reconciliation, no matter what the other person does, or has done. We pursue reconciliation by moving toward the problem, as this is the ministry that God wants us to embrace, the "ministry of reconciliation." This takes great maturity and it is not easy, and it honors God. In abusive relationships, it might not be possible to move toward the problem, because it is not safe. Seek counsel before re-engaging someone who has a history of abuse.
2 Corinthians 5:18 All this is from God, who through Christ reconciled us to himself and gave us the ministry of reconciliation; 19 that is, in Christ God was reconciling the world to himself, not counting their trespasses against them, and entrusting to us the message of reconciliation.
So when there is conflict, what are the steps that we can take to bring about reconciliation?
Matthew 18:15 tells us to go to the person one on one. If the person responds, it is a win.
Galatians 6:1 tells us the attitude we should have when we confront... "Brothers, if anyone is caught in any transgression, you who are spiritual should restore him in a spirit of gentleness. Keep watch on yourself, lest you too be tempted." I remind myself of these two verses by using the phrase, "Matthew 18 in the spirit of Galatians 6:1."
If you haven't seen the video clip of Mandisa's confrontation of Simon Cowell on American Idol, you can watch it here...
Mandisa is an example of one who has the right attitude, speaks the truth in love and is quick to forgive because Jesus has forgiven her. I want to be more like Mandisa! Notice that she doesn't let Simon off the hook by downplaying how much he hurt her. The hurt was real and she verbalizes it, but she doesn't stop there. She forgives!
Unity is a fragile thing in the church, and it is so important as a witness and testimony to the world. If the world sees that the church can't get along, then there is little credibility in preaching the gospel message. The messenger gets in the way of the message. This means that, like Mandisa, we need to be willing to move toward the problem, confront the issues and restore relationships with God's unconditional love, a love that is not resentful, literally, "keeping no record of wrongs suffered." A bitter root always springs up and defiles many (Hebrews 12:15)!
This is why Paul writes to the church in Ephesus, something we all must keep in mind, that unity comes from God and we must be eager to maintain that unity that God initiates. It takes work to maintain what God has given to us.
Ephesians 4:1-3 I, therefore, a prisoner for the Lord, urge you to walk in a manner worthy of the calling to which you have been called, 2 with all humility and gentleness, with patience, bearing with one another in love, 3 eager to maintain the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace.
